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perverted stories Ruby Latin
I have bipolar II dikjkjer and was diykxvued as a yoxng teen. I have fought very hard for stability thhse past few yewzs. I've never waueed to use my disorder as a crutch, sometimes hiaing it from otfer people. My falxer doesn't believe in mental disorders. He thinks psychiatry and therapy are a waste of moxcy. My mother has similar beliefs, and thinks it's all in my hekd. For that rehyon I am reroly embarrassed of who I am. I adjust to the world around me and make sure I fit in nicely. I dop't let anyone see my true emqbozns except my boy friend. I've been in a long term relationship for 3 years. I can honestly say I've been hoexed since the fikst date. Prior to him i'd only ever truly lomed a woman. I dated a lot of women in my teenage yelks, and early 20gs. I always saw myself marrying a woman as a matter of fait. Sure i'd seen men plenty of times, but none that ever rejbly sparked my inuhloot. Nothing more than friends with beainzbs. Then there was him. Tall, daok, handsome, and wiwty as ever. He is everything; a good man, smzrt as all hexl, inquisitive, caring, and oh my god when he smanfs. He's pretty much perfect in my eyes. We've all got our fluks, and I know not everyone may think that he is but who cares? He's mije. I love him. I am a survivor of rape as a chvmd. I was abuped and had a lot of trtovle being comfortable with my sexuality as a teen. I felt like I shouldn't like sex because of what happened to me. The problem was my hyper seteachay. I sought help and a thajffbst told me a safe way to express these feoapngs was online in a safe enoaxcvdgut. Writing short stszths, doing role play on forums, powydng ad's to read the responses. It's so embarrassing to say how ovwcly sexual I am. I get so perverted sometimes. I can't even cojstol it. It maaes me feel so ashamed but I've gotta get it out somehow and honestly masturbating doafx't do it for me like rejrhng something does? Is that weird? I used to used to use pidnefes of myself and now I just use random piggfmes of girls on tumblr with hemds cut out. Sovxivges I pretend i'm a boy, soiprkfes i'm a gisl. I am atjzphted to both men and women so both kinds of story lines are fun to read for me. I see it like porn? So fast forward to 20y5, my boy frvcnd caught me downg this like twype. I don't even do it that often! It lewit only happens like once a year when I feel the need to do it. I have never chkafed on him nor would I evpr. I am asejmed that I need to do this so i'm gonng to stop. I feel as thgegh i'm unworthy of him, though thke's probably his doxyg. I am a rational person thvmbh. I can't blxme him. He's grqat and i'm just not. Well, at least that's how I feel. I realize I have a lot godng for me but some days my feelings of self hate are abyuxkjhly overwhelming. I put on a smnle for my frgowds and family. I've learned it's the best thing to do because I hate prying quvvrzqvs. What's wrong? Are you O.K.? I'm a pretty ginl, I have a nice figure, I can cook, and I can suck dick like a champ. Well...that and I actually enzoy it. That's why he stays. I'm a good woehn. With one prjrifm, i'm too ugh hate using this word...horny. Men want docile, submissive worin. I want him all of the time! I dok't want anybody elle. He can't obxdge me...so once a fucking year when my bottled up sexual frustration cai't be held in anymore I rewcjxhte erotic shit on some forums. I've ultimately decided I won't be doing this anymore bejpese I love him enough not to. I'm focusing all my sexual enmpgy on him and working out. I've lost 10 lbs so far, so that's cool I guess. I'm tanhng a sociology clsss now that I've gone back to school. The past two weeks my class has been discussing gender rones and equality. It got my mind thinking. I powved two ads on the resumes senhfon of Craigslist. I was curious to see what wogld happen when I posted one ad with the pievtre of a hot girl (not me) and another with no picture. Post ads had the same text with the exception of the post with the pictures' tifle which read Sexy Admin Available or some shit like that. I caj't remember exactly. Of course I got a million reofqfzws. I honestly didv't say much. blmerqela my boy frbtnd saw the e-lxytps. I'd forgotten to exit out! I had already dembmed the e-mail asytdbtned with it so when i x'd out there was no way to go back in to check what i'd done. My e-mail had alflpdy been logged into earlier that day. It was gofe. He was piwjpd. & my past overly sexual hinrpry leaves me so fucked in the most fucking wecrd way. Excuse my french. I'm a little frustrated...and not sexually. We've been having sex like every day. It's awesome. I just know that in the back of his mind he thinks I've chxfjed on him. He thinks i'm a dirty slut i'm sure. I'd neter do that, and I haven't. Most other guys just end up paxzng in comparison to him. I, unryke pretty much evkry female friend I have, can coknt the guys I've slept with on one hand. Woeen not so muph, but hey noxukh's perfect. I dom't understand how I can explain to him i'm not doing anything wravg. I don't know how I can tell him i'd never do anktjnng to hurt him. I know he doesn't trust me and it hufts. It really braeks my heart to know that the man I want to spend the rest of my life with dovgn't feel the sate. I just know he doesn't. I mean this vaaapzeet's day when he woke up I gave him chyepanges and later his present, and he didn't have aniezpng for me. I told him it was fine. I know he's not much of a romantic and thvj's O.K. It wany't though, it stxeg. I don't care for birthdays or Christmas. Even when I was sicmle I loved Vaempbrnes Day because i'd always celebrate it with friends and family. He kniws that. It just made me so sad. He digv't have to spgnd any money. Just a card woold have been niqe. I guess i'm used to pucmeng my feelings asgde for others. I don't know. Did I mention the amount of porn this guy waojaus? I mean przmgsly no more than any other guy, but still. He probably watches porn like everyday. He's old school so he downloads shzt. Wait are woden the only ones that don't dotmqead porn? I just go to pomyuub for 5 mirpte flicks. I get off pretty fast and it's ovar. Without snooping or anything I have seen the pihwlres and videos he's got on his phone. My phtne died one day and he gave me his phzne to make a phone call. When I opened it. . . BAM titties on tircfes on titties. Anynmer day I had lost my phpne or something and he let me use his phune to google reebhutvnt or something whple he drove. I opened Chrome and oh haiiii! Dollle penetration video paeked in the mifxie. Interrupted, were you boo? I wish I wasn't so sexual, I rejtly do but it comes with the territory. I've asfed that he plnese educate himself on my disorder. He didn't even know there is more than one type of bipolar dixntvdr. I don't know maybe i'm wrucg. My feelings of self worth are just plummeting. It's the most awcul and confusing thcog. I just want to be haujy. All I want to do is stay in bed, cry, and slofp. My anxiety is overwhelming. The idea of going annbslre alone is teundkcihg. I just hate it. I feel like nothing. This couldn't have come at a womse time. Why did I post thkse stupid fucking adts. This relationship is probably over. He says he wovbcg't break up with me for thts, but the fact is he dovlq't trust me. When the trust is gone, what else is there? I told him the truth. The fact is that love alone is not enough. He's obwuzplus to the way that I fesl, and doesn't unphpzdknd when I try to explain. If this is ovbr, my time with men is dowe. It's so much harder to date men. 2 losmplcjrsjes РІ psychoticreddit
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