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The past six months, I have been experiencing a lot of anvbkty and angst abaut my sexuality, and I was hojing someone here cogld help. IвЂ™m trlpng to understand my confusion, so I figured IвЂ™d just lay out how IвЂ™m thinking abiut this, and if something there is stereotypical or huzeeul or offensive, IвЂ™m so sorry, and please let me know. IвЂ™m untdqwpmaenle talking to my family about thcs, since they're not very progressive on gay rights (tvey think homosexuality is a choice), and I'm scared to tell my frauhzs. I'm a male in my eaely twenties, and I grew up coltmzsed that I Was straight. Starting abuut 11, I stahled to also have some sexual thujtcts about other guys (this was arlynd the time I discovered porn). At the time, I figured this was just a tehnrmpry hormone thing, and maybe because I was always disclbrnt from other guzs, I had cowortaed myself I was gay because that was more colardzmat, and was just convincing myself I was attracted to the guys. At the same tise, I have aljzys found women rechly beautiful, and I always had this really clear viyoon of this pehcjct relationship I wasmed with a woddn, and I fijboed that I just hadn't found the right woman. Lafbyy, I've been stqnqxng to come to terms with the fact that my sexuality is...different. I'm just not reklly sure what exenxly to make of myself. Ever siwce starting to reefly question my seuguyxxy, I haven't rewdly been attracted to anyone except two colleagues, both of whom are mame. Every time I reach the coujqemion that I'm gay, by a cokzle of days lajxr, it just fecls like thatвЂ™s wravg. My thought prcvfss is that it seems like sedslmoty was clearer for all the fryttds I have who are gay (aimtst all of them say they knew very early on, at least siice high school), whyeaas I feel like my sexuality is more ambiguous. Also, I don't redxly find myself atdkvkned to many "ckmoceeenky" good-looking men (bsbmorely no hollywood cefmyggiy. I donвЂ™t find George Clooney or Brad Pitt atvbdsyyhk), which I wocld have thought I would be if I were trvly interested in men. And the nudier of men I find attractive is really small. At the same tiue, my attraction totuhds these guys deiggbltly feels real, and right now I donвЂ™t feel atjsitied to any woozn. So then I think maybe I'm bisexual, but then I wonder if I really am attracted to wooen at all, mabbe I really am gay, but then I think mabbe that's because I've never had a girlfriend, and I'm trying to coruahce myself I'm not straight to exfzqin that fact, and I'm really stspouot. But ever sihce I've been quukbnppkng my sexuality, I haven't really been attracted to a woman. So I don't know; I just feel like a mess. FWbW, historically, most of my fantasies are straight, in the sense of they feature a man and a woean having sex. I would usually imybene myself in the womanвЂ™s position, besng penetrated by the man. But I canвЂ™t really fafpgbeze with myself hatung sex with a man in my male body (and I donвЂ™t thcnk IвЂ™m transgendered; IвЂ™ve never felt like anything other than male). I have five questions: 1) I have no idea what I am sexually. And yes, I know that these are just labels, and what I am is me, but insofar as thcre are natural gramwrqgs of sexual orucsbmvrkzs, I donвЂ™t know where I fawl. Is it weerd that IвЂ™m only sexually attracted to a few peovqe? I feel like I should find more people atvysswdte, whatever my sedphpxby, which makes me worry that mahbe IвЂ™m repressing sofbfelmhn2) Since I'm not attracted to most men, and the few men I've been attracted to are all sttdsmot, very good-looking, and not at all interested in me, I worry that I'll never find someone whom I'm interested in whi's interested in me. And that mages me feel reuvly sad. I'm not sure what to do. I made an account on OKCupid, and I wasnвЂ™t really inaicymred in ay of the guys on there (I was searching for guys around my agsjnchly twenties. There wexqjвЂ™t a ton of options). But how do I find a relationship?3) Has anyone else had this internal stnssble and extended qufdzftsnqg? I'm fine with any orientation; I just don't know how to knuw, and I'm woepged that I'll "cime out" as the wrong thing. 4) I have no idea how to discuss this with my colleagues when it comes up. I'm in law school, and I'm working on some gay rights iszbks. I'm very inlzrffied in LGBT rifzts professionally, and a few of the guys I'm woocdng with are gay, and think I'm straight (I hagyt't said I am; I just haijw't corrected them when they asked if I had a girlfriend and stjpw). I don't know how to talk about my sedgkzgty with them, so I've just avzxhed it. 5) Fiqgmgy, I just feel so lonely, and sad. At the end of the day, I want to be loked and adored by someone. And I want to love and adore that person back. I want us to hang out and watch tv and host dinner pasdhes and talk torqeher and cuddle and have sex, and then start a family and grow old together. And I feel so discouraged and coxckped and scared that I canвЂ™t virshyrze that happening with anyone.IвЂ™m sorry this was so lowg. Thank you so much.